???????

OMG! I went to hang out with Z and his friends and it was AMAZING!!!! His roomate D is really cool and of course i got to see me twin H! It was very chill and we finally got some alone time....mmmm but ive been feeling really odd lately...its like the WORST feeling and the BEST feeling all in one. I canat even explain it. All i know is that i am VERY happy and a little scared ummm Plain and Simple?

Rethinking

Ok so i realize that all ive been talking about is Z and thats because thats all ive been thinking about. I am sure he is loving it but i need to get some other things off my chest as well right? well not really ...everything else in my life is going ok. Home life is shitty and possibly even shittier than normal. But w/e i can handle that stuff. School is hard but im doing alright and im starting to buckle down more and get things done :) So i guess i just dont have a whole lot to report. Plain and Simple.

Hmmmm?

So life pretty much sucks right now. Im tired and i cant fall asleep and im on the verge of depression. Dont worry it wont last long im sure. Its wierd tho because im not unhappy...its just that... I know a way that makes me more happy than you can even imagine and i cant have it, at least not often. Dont freak out its nothing bad. Its just a person. If you have been keeping up on my posts then im sure you all know who im talking about. So anyways...its depressing me to know that its out there and...yet its not for me...Im just a little bit of a downer sometimes lol. I dont mean to be. Its just the way im feeling and if i dont get it out of my system soon i do believe i will explode. Messy! So anyways i am so unbelievably happy that it is depressing me..Plain and Simple????

Z and I

We argue, we talk, we're both all in...We laugh, we love, we dont always grin...Forever for always, against the world, me and him...Plain and Simple

YAY!!!!! I love how things have changed!

So Z quit the frat and his job..he was too stressed out. But hes picking me up on friday and we are spending the whole day/night together!!!! I m so excited. Well i have to go do some homework now! Ill be sure to get on here and let you know how this weekend goes! He is my amazing boy! Plain ans Simple.

Missing Him

So i talked to Z today for about 2 minutes. Literally. Hes good but he had to work. I wont get to talk to him again until most likely next week. Its killing me to not be able to see him on a regular basis. I love him. I am def hoping that he will com home next weekend...friday because i have a half a school day so him and i could hang out all day before i go to my dads. That would be amazing! So pray for me (wish) that it will happen....i dont know how much longer i can go without seeing him. I love you Z! oh and H and i are ok now. Its a little hard but we both understand each other and how we feel. We r trying to take care of each other because we are totally twins. Plain and Simple.

The Day After the Day

So i took my little trip to CMU. I was great...it really was. So why do i feel so crappy. He loves me, i love him, everything was good. So why do i feel like i do? It makes no sense. But does anything ever makes sense with Z and i? No not really. I miss him more than ever and i worry about him all the time. He is amazing, why doesnt he believe that. Another problem, she likes him. He says shes looking for someone to love her and he cant. He says he cant love her. That makes me feel guilty, like im taking away her happiness by being in his life. I love him so much, more than anyone can understand so even if i wanted to stop loving him...i couldnt. Hes my best friend. He always will be. But will it ever be more than that? Who knows? Not me. What scares me is that i know that we will be friends forever. Well be stuck in this half way thing forever. And i love it. I wouldnt change it for the world. But is that ok? People say that im crazy. I dont care. They dont know him like i do. They just dont understand. They dont, they cant. Plain and Simple.

TGI (almost) F

YAY!!!! the week is almost over and just in time. I am starting to get stressed out and i need some time off. It is finally getting cold outside and i cant wait for the snow! I love winter! Everything looks so much better covered in snow! almost majical! This weekend should be amazing. Im going to meet up with H before i go see Z and then ill prolly hang out with her after the CMU game cuz Z has to work.....o well i bet it will be fun. And i finally get to hang out with JW...although her bf C might be going....:(. o wells ill get over it..alright well people keep trying to talk to me so i should be social for a few. Plan and Simple.

Crazy/Future

So school is soooo crazy right now! I was not ready for all of this. Mondays i have study groupish thing, tuesdays i tutor E, wednesday i go to my dads, thursday i tutor H, fridays i go to football games, go bowling with the fowler crew, and i go to my dads, saturday i have community service, and sunday i have church and youth group. My life is sooo busy! But this weekend is different...im going up to CMU to visit Z and his friend H. H is way cool! She is really nice and im excited to get to know her. I miss Z a lot and im excited to see him too. I saw him last saturday cuz i was in Mt. P so i told him to meet up with me. I was really good to see him again cuz i have been missing him really bad. I decided today that i think im going to go to NMU for teaching in english and spanish. Either that or CMU. Z said he would transfer to NMU if thats where im going to go. That caught me offgaurd! Im not prepared to be responsible for something that major. But that scares me a little bit that someone that i love is willing to change their life so that they can be around me. I dont want to hurt him. I really love him. O well its a little while from now and i have some time to think. But yeah i am super excited for this saturday! YAY! ok well im going to go cuz ppl are calling me. Always be prepared for the future! Plain and Simple.

New School Year

Hey its been awile! Ive just been so busy and i had the BEST summer of my life. I hung out with Z a ton! AHHH i love him sooooo much and i just cant get enough!. He is in college now so i hardly get to see him. He came and visited me about two weeks ago at high school. It was sooo sweet! And i am going to the CMU homecoming game with him and hanging out all day on that saturday! I hope his new friends like me! Im kinda nervous but shhh dont tell....School is ok i guess. I am a junior now and classes are gettign harder. Im enjoying the challenge but i get annoyed with all of the homework..ugh! AHHHH im so excited to see Z!!! V and i are dressing all crazy and wacky tomorrow for school cuz its wacky tacky day lol. I am going to look so cute! ok well ill be back on here to write more often from now on so keep checking in! well im off to do my homework so i can keep up my grades! Thats it plain and simple...(and exciting)

8 More Days

Ok so I cant wait for school to end.  Im so sick of everyone and everything! No offense to anyone who is reading this. Im sorry! I just had to get that out of my system! Ok well all better so i guess ill be back later.

Last Day For You

This is a shout out to all my senior friends. I love you all and im really going to miss not having you around. J, ill miss having you to pick on me. Ill miss picking on you. But i will actually miss having someone that i can trust with anything and that trusts me. Im sorry that i disappointed you this week. I know what i did is bad and im sorry. I luv you and i hope we can keep in touch. So i basically wrote this for all of my senior friends but to one special guy. Z you are my best freind, my everything. This will all be hard for me to say because i cant stand the thought of not having you at school with me everyday. I cant stand the thought of not having you all to myself when ever i need you. I know im selfish but thats just how i feel. I love you more than anyone in the whole world. i am really going to miss you. I cant even explain this to you in words. I hope that you know how i feel because i cant stand to think about it right now....Im in love with you!

New Guys

OMG i finally like two new people. They are so awesome. They have been there for me through all of these tough times. They stick up for me and give me great advice. So if you havent found anyone then just hang in there you will find them.

Feeling Shitty

So have you ever just felt like everything is falling apart? Nothing is good and everything sucks. Well I have for the past few days. I might just be very dramatic, but either way i feel terrible. I guess what comes up must come crashing down right?  School is really shitty  and home is sucking . But thats life....ok well thats all i have in me for right now....ill be back to finish later

Sucky

Everything sucks. Serious rollercoaster. For like two weeks everything is great and then....Bam!...everything goes down the shitter. Oh well thats life. I guess ive just gotta wait til everything goes up again. So until then....plain and simple

Boreing but O well

ok hey.....so this weekend was totally crazy. I cant tell you what happened on friday night so if you want to know then youll have to ask. Then i went to M's and watched his kids. God they are so freaking cute. I love them! ok and then i came home for a few minutes and got my new room all set up and I painted it too. So i think ill move in on Monday. Yeah!!!! and then i went back to M's house to chill......im there right now. I know none of this sounds crazy but it really is...if you want to know then let me know and ill explain later. So i think im going home tonight so that i can get to school in the morning but im not sure yet. Ill be there for sure on Tuesday though. Im doing pretty well for the most part though. I was a wreck on friday but im over that and now im fine. I know everything will work out ....it always does....not always in the way i wanted it to, but it works out somehow. plain and simple. (sorry its so boreing this time...lol)

Im Back To Finish

ok so i said that i would be back on to keep talking so now im back. I have had a really crazy week at school. And then this weekend has been insane. Ive been watching two amazing little boys (ages 2 ans 3)all weekend. Well today is saturday but i watched them all day today and now im staying here and watching them til sunday. Fun fun. Their parents are out of town so im watching the kids, dogs, and the house for the weekend. Can you say par-tay! Im just kidding ill be good. Well i just put them into bed and they are finally asleep. Today i took them to pizza hut. (we walked there and back) And then i made them popcorn and hot cocoa and we watched tarzan (their fave movie) so it was a pretty busy day. Tomorrow i think im going to take them for a walk and then just hang out at the house. I never thought you could love someone the way i love them. They are like my brothers. Life is going ok right now i suppose. Things have been a little wierd and a little crazy. But i know that we will get through it. Well im going to try to make things work. Plain and simple.

Worried

I worry a lot. Mabey too much....ok way way too much...but what i worry about is what peole that i love are feeling or thinking. I will do anything just to make things a bit easier for them. But when they dont tell me what is going on i cant help. I suppose they do not want my help. Which is their choice. Idk why im rambling about this its just what i was thinking. But i guess i dont have a lot of time to post on here right now im having an important conversation with a friend. Ill be back later to talk. Plain and simple as always.

Questions

Why do people ask for your opinion when they honestly dont care. I mean they ask you and you give them your honest opinion, but it doesnt matter. They dont really care. So why do they ask. "Hey would you be mad if i did this?" "yes i would be very mad" "o well im going to do it anyway" i mean come on what the hell. Why do people say things that they dont mean? Its not that difficult, dont say things that are not true. And why do people try to guilt you into things. I mean come on why would you want someone to do something that they dont want to do. How are people ok with makeing others feel guilty to get what they want. I just dont get it. Why do people hurt others on purpose, how do they live like that. How can i keep letting myself get hurt like this? Why do i let it hurt me? How can i still have these feelings? Why cant i let go? Why dont i care that it hurts? Why dont i want to stop feeling this way? Why will i do anyhting to just keep things the way that they are? How can i be this mad and upset and hurt and know at the same time that i will forgive and forget and let it happen all over again? I know this and yet. I dont care. Why do i feel as though the worst is happening when truly, i have no idea what is going on? this time its not just...plain and simple

Update on My Life

so i know its been like a month since i last posted. Im sorry about that. Ok so lets see if i can catch you up on everything that has happened since ...well.....christmas. First of all me and my boyyfriend broke up. Dont ask how that happened cuz i dont know and i dont even think he really knows. It just sorta happened. But thats ok shit happens i guess. I still love him and i expect that i will for awhile. Im not sure if thats a positive thing or not. We are still best friends and attached at the hip...lol. Im actaully going over to his house tomorrow so that should be fun. My friend J is going with me. A few other people will be there as well (people who dont get along) so i think it will end up being a disaster. But ill try to be good. hehe. Um i have all new classes at school now. They are going really well. I have ArtII, Adv. Algebra, U.S. History, and English. I like all of them for the most part. Ive had a lot of homework lately but i dont really mind that. Things with friends are pretty good. It seems like ive had more time for them lately. J and I have been hanging out pretty much everyday after school and/or after work. I really missed hanging out with them...i dont know where i was but im glad im back. So as of today all is right in meville....well actually everything is messed up and so not going according to plan. But ive excepted it and am trying to stay happy and positive and enjoy the time i have...plain and simple