Rethinking

Ok so i realize that all ive been talking about is Z and thats because thats all ive been thinking about. I am sure he is loving it but i need to get some other things off my chest as well right? well not really ...everything else in my life is going ok. Home life is shitty and possibly even shittier than normal. But w/e i can handle that stuff. School is hard but im doing alright and im starting to buckle down more and get things done :) So i guess i just dont have a whole lot to report. Plain and Simple.

Hmmmm?

So life pretty much sucks right now. Im tired and i cant fall asleep and im on the verge of depression. Dont worry it wont last long im sure. Its wierd tho because im not unhappy...its just that... I know a way that makes me more happy than you can even imagine and i cant have it, at least not often. Dont freak out its nothing bad. Its just a person. If you have been keeping up on my posts then im sure you all know who im talking about. So anyways...its depressing me to know that its out there and...yet its not for me...Im just a little bit of a downer sometimes lol. I dont mean to be. Its just the way im feeling and if i dont get it out of my system soon i do believe i will explode. Messy! So anyways i am so unbelievably happy that it is depressing me..Plain and Simple????

Z and I

We argue, we talk, we're both all in...We laugh, we love, we dont always grin...Forever for always, against the world, me and him...Plain and Simple

YAY!!!!! I love how things have changed!

So Z quit the frat and his job..he was too stressed out. But hes picking me up on friday and we are spending the whole day/night together!!!! I m so excited. Well i have to go do some homework now! Ill be sure to get on here and let you know how this weekend goes! He is my amazing boy! Plain ans Simple.

Missing Him

So i talked to Z today for about 2 minutes. Literally. Hes good but he had to work. I wont get to talk to him again until most likely next week. Its killing me to not be able to see him on a regular basis. I love him. I am def hoping that he will com home next weekend...friday because i have a half a school day so him and i could hang out all day before i go to my dads. That would be amazing! So pray for me (wish) that it will happen....i dont know how much longer i can go without seeing him. I love you Z! oh and H and i are ok now. Its a little hard but we both understand each other and how we feel. We r trying to take care of each other because we are totally twins. Plain and Simple.

The Day After the Day

So i took my little trip to CMU. I was great...it really was. So why do i feel so crappy. He loves me, i love him, everything was good. So why do i feel like i do? It makes no sense. But does anything ever makes sense with Z and i? No not really. I miss him more than ever and i worry about him all the time. He is amazing, why doesnt he believe that. Another problem, she likes him. He says shes looking for someone to love her and he cant. He says he cant love her. That makes me feel guilty, like im taking away her happiness by being in his life. I love him so much, more than anyone can understand so even if i wanted to stop loving him...i couldnt. Hes my best friend. He always will be. But will it ever be more than that? Who knows? Not me. What scares me is that i know that we will be friends forever. Well be stuck in this half way thing forever. And i love it. I wouldnt change it for the world. But is that ok? People say that im crazy. I dont care. They dont know him like i do. They just dont understand. They dont, they cant. Plain and Simple.

TGI (almost) F

YAY!!!! the week is almost over and just in time. I am starting to get stressed out and i need some time off. It is finally getting cold outside and i cant wait for the snow! I love winter! Everything looks so much better covered in snow! almost majical! This weekend should be amazing. Im going to meet up with H before i go see Z and then ill prolly hang out with her after the CMU game cuz Z has to work.....o well i bet it will be fun. And i finally get to hang out with JW...although her bf C might be going....:(. o wells ill get over it..alright well people keep trying to talk to me so i should be social for a few. Plan and Simple.

Crazy/Future

So school is soooo crazy right now! I was not ready for all of this. Mondays i have study groupish thing, tuesdays i tutor E, wednesday i go to my dads, thursday i tutor H, fridays i go to football games, go bowling with the fowler crew, and i go to my dads, saturday i have community service, and sunday i have church and youth group. My life is sooo busy! But this weekend is different...im going up to CMU to visit Z and his friend H. H is way cool! She is really nice and im excited to get to know her. I miss Z a lot and im excited to see him too. I saw him last saturday cuz i was in Mt. P so i told him to meet up with me. I was really good to see him again cuz i have been missing him really bad. I decided today that i think im going to go to NMU for teaching in english and spanish. Either that or CMU. Z said he would transfer to NMU if thats where im going to go. That caught me offgaurd! Im not prepared to be responsible for something that major. But that scares me a little bit that someone that i love is willing to change their life so that they can be around me. I dont want to hurt him. I really love him. O well its a little while from now and i have some time to think. But yeah i am super excited for this saturday! YAY! ok well im going to go cuz ppl are calling me. Always be prepared for the future! Plain and Simple.