Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Day After the Day

So i took my little trip to CMU. I was great...it really was. So why do i feel so crappy. He loves me, i love him, everything was good. So why do i feel like i do? It makes no sense. But does anything ever makes sense with Z and i? No not really. I miss him more than ever and i worry about him all the time. He is amazing, why doesnt he believe that. Another problem, she likes him. He says shes looking for someone to love her and he cant. He says he cant love her. That makes me feel guilty, like im taking away her happiness by being in his life. I love him so much, more than anyone can understand so even if i wanted to stop loving him...i couldnt. Hes my best friend. He always will be. But will it ever be more than that? Who knows? Not me. What scares me is that i know that we will be friends forever. Well be stuck in this half way thing forever. And i love it. I wouldnt change it for the world. But is that ok? People say that im crazy. I dont care. They dont know him like i do. They just dont understand. They dont, they cant. Plain and Simple.
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Perfect

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her'.

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing everything about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is when you are talking on the phone with them or even laying next to them and somehow you are still missing them because they are just not close enough, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting butterflies in ur stomach when they walk into a room and smile at you.

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